text message sent on the 5th of April 2025

05/04/25

its so strange: on monday after my shift at work, i was walking home on my usual route and saw a flower by the roadside. i felt like I had to pluck it in that moment, and it popped out of the soil with no resistance. 

it was a daffodil with four leaves sprouting from its root, like fingers from a hand. i told myself that this flower was to be our relationship, and that I would walk home and then cast it away and that I'll be over it. 

i found myself weaving each leaf between each of my fingers as I walked. i welled up in waves but they dissipated the moment i realised they were forming. I found myself squeezing these finger-leaves, but they didn't squeeze back. 

i walked back in silence and it felt so long and so short at the same time. without realising, I had reached my doorstep. I fit my key into the hole and was about to open the door when I realised i was still gripping the flower. 

i told myself i couldn't bring it into the house. i wept the hardest i have in a while and gripped it the hardest i could and said goodbye. 

i couldn't bring myself to throw it away either, so I laid it on the flat part of my fence. i had squeezed it so tightly that the leaves had twisted out of shape, and it's stem had snapped. this flower will die and wilt as i continue to live, and it is beautiful now and will continue to be in my memory. still it lies on my fence right now, and as it dries and shrinks, so my feelings shall as well